This is a touchy subject, and I’ve honestly wanted to write this post for a while…and have been sitting on it because I have no idea exactly where to start. In relationships there are so many factors: maturity, security, exclusivity, the list goes on. What we need to do now, at this age of #TwentySomethin’s we need to CLEARLY define what we want and don’t want in terms of relationships.
Presently, most of us have been in Situationships, where you’ve been dating someone for like EVER but yall have no title, and are basically just fooling yourselves, or even worse playing house. Doing relationship type things, but someone is too immature to commit, or they want to have their cake and eat it too. This type of ordeal isn’t healthy and is ultimately a waste of time – on both parties. I’ve been here before, unknowingly because I honestly thought something would come of the “relationship”, little did I know it was never apart of the plan. This is when defining the relationship comes into play.
When you get back onto the dating scene, women especially, we tend to only date one person at a time, when men date multiple women until they find the one worth giving all their attention to. We as women need to adopt this same mentality. This doesn’t mean you have to go around sleeping with or kissing everyone, but honestly have fun and get to know people. It’s your chance to find out what you like, don’t like, what’s tolerable, not … you get my point!
My friend Eboni made this cute little chart, I called it the “Find My Husband” chart lol (although he’ll be presented to me when the time is right), the chart is like a huge circle, with three overlapping circles: Friendship, Dating/Relationship, and Marriage. Within these you’d fill it up with words that describe how you want things to look like. Along those lines are the four underlying assumptions: Intentions, Feelings, Defined Lines, and Challenges. Below I’ve provided a quick glimpse of hers. I still have to sit down and create mine, but I know it will take a while. I encourage everyone to make one whenever you have time. I know I’m going to devote a few hours to complete mine, and be open to the possibility that these might change for you within a few years.
Lastly, when you’re dating make sure you LISTEN to what the other person says in regards to their interpretation of what you’re doing. You both have the right to set the boundaries – if you don’t want to kiss him right away … you don’t have to. If you both agreed that you’ll date multiple people until you figure out if he/she is the one to devote your attention to – don’t get mad or jealous when their time is divided. If homie says you’re too loyal of a woman, or he ain’t ready for you at the moment – LET HIM GO! I recently had to learn this lesson the hard way. I feel like men usually tell us exactly how they’re feeling, and what type of relationship, or lack of … that they want to have. Us as women tend to misinterpret, or stay in denial and believe that it’ll happen one day. Nah hunnybun, he meant what he said the first time! It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and you don’t want to believe it, trust if you believe it from the time it’s said you’ll save yourself the heartache in the end.
Make sure you’re alright with the boundaries set, and you’re in agreeance when you sit down and define your relationship.
bisous, Bree ❤